Understanding May Be What We Need

I bet every family has some kind of generational trauma, and it is so hard to break free from that. But, I’m here to make an argument: is it justifiable for parents to pass it down subconsciously or consciously because they don’t know any better? 

I would argue no. In the book, The Best We Could Do by Thi Bui, we see a lot of the passing of generational trauma. Bui’s father, Bo goes through indescribable amount of trauma during his childhood and through his adulthood, and he passes it down to his children through his neglectfulness, inconsistent, and violent behaviors. His lack of communication with everyone makes it extremely harder for his children to open up to him, and to add more, he shaped his children in a way that made them close up to him. 

I think it’s very disconcerting that many people, including parents, don’t realize how terrible and relieving it is to have a parent that constantly lives through their own trauma. One day they might rage out of fear that their child, too, might end up like them. Then other times they try to be and are the sweetest person that they wished was given to them as a kid. For the child, even when the confusion and the angst becomes unbearable, in the end, it’s just their parents right? They’re someone they trust with all their life, and when they put the immense amount of trauma that they can’t even handle, what is a child to do? There is nothing a child can do. In conclusion, generational trauma is simply just child abuse and neglect. I don’t think anything can justify that.

However, the twist is this: this doesn’t just apply to the child, it applies to the parents as well. Trauma-inflicted individuals grow up as an adult physically, but inside, they are still the same little kid living that trauma everyday. They, as well, need healing and justice for forcefully receiving ever-lasting horror.

It all comes down to this: In order to heal from generational trauma, you need understanding from both parties. Not just listening to their stories, but understanding on a personal level of how their feelings and memories were tainted by other people’s carelessness.